As some of prepare for retreat in the wilds, fear of snakes and spiders, bears and bobcats comes along. Surya Jane and I got into interchange about fear and facing fear. Wild animals bring wonder but also our most primordial fears and dark dreams to the surface.
Morning! A thought rolling around I’d like to share. Listening a bit to Alan Watts while working, he spoke of a book about a man befriending a fly, and thoughts took off from there… so I purchased two used books; one on spiders & the other on snakes. As they say (which flows with my experience) to understand is to forgive (or to like, love, whatever); so too… I’m sure…. to understand, to know is to no longer fear– perhaps respect or allow instead, or see “their placement in the scheme of things”… I even hope my knowing or understanding may blossom into deep interest, delight, continued curiosity! We shall see…My conditioning/instinct is ‘ewe ugh yiks’ and not necessarily in that order. Ha! Oh the joys and adventures we shall have!
How beautiful! You are turning toward instead of away.*
I think the Mesa offers us all a way to invite our primordial fears in rather than running scared. This is an enormous facet of Path and one which women are not encouraged to do. Yes, these creatures frighten us, become the shape of discomforting dreams. In reality they have their nature and ways. Coming to reality, because it is Truth, is always psychically relaxing even if the creature is dangerous. It is the interior monsters that are debilitating and the sense that we cannot handle our world. Since meeting my rattlesnake last summer I’ve been far less terrified on an unconscious level. I’m certainly awake and wary, but not chased by nightmares.
I’m still afraid of the dark when alone in nature though…
* (I refer to this comment from earlier writing about the dervish practice of Whirling. After a whirling session, I once remarked that whirling is always a turning away and a turning toward. We turn. We turn away. We turn toward. In every turn. Whirling constantly incants to our bodies that our world is choice. I can, as adult, turn away from the habit of suffering. I choose now. I sit in my chair and breathe into the space, breathe myself back into my body, into gravity. Kindness to the self. I breathe. I feel my cells fill with the Moment. This chair, this gravity. These legs, these fingers, these eyes. The sound of snow falling.)
Yes yes yes!!… turning towards instead of away…. And yes, thank you… fear is (always) not only in me but somehow only from the inside…And the idea of psychically relaxing, love it. And women not being encouraged to embrace our fears…. True. And then what do I do with them? … I turn away.
This turning away… I awoke one morning not too long ago in fear… and I was able to see how in the BLINK OF AN EYE I turn away. So fast. It is unknown yet to me this turning away since it happens most times just beneath my awareness. And I know it is a Key. I tried again this morning to observe “turning away energy” or resistance… or ? perhaps allow this to be my friend to so it won’t fear showing its face…. And we can become one.?. and/or perhaps…
Ok I’m getting into what I call THE RABBIT HOLE. Where awareness’ and thoughts begin to circle in/tumble in on themselves. So I drop it!
I agree about the rabbit hole. Over-thinking keeps us from experiencing the experience. It’s an energy/sensation thing, right? For me I can feel when it is anxiety-thinking and when it is mulling. Mulling is soft and easy-going. Fun, too. Anxiety-thinking always has an edge.
It always comes back to sensation.
Thanks for reading and for sharing this with friends.
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